Your Marriage is Worth Saving

Why Marriages Fail Or Succeed TARGET=

2009-10-16T11:53:00.001-07:00

Why Marriages Fail Or Succeed TARGET=

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Difficult Marriage? Difficult Children Can Contribute to Marital Problems

2009-09-29T17:58:00.001-07:00

Today I wanted to make a quick note about the fact that difficult children can added stress and tension to any family, and a marriage in crisis will feel the affects even more. Saving your marriage should be your top priority, and if a whining, temper tantrum throwing child is adding to the problems, you can get help that will make a significant change in their behavior....and quickly. Read more about The Dream Child Method here.

The DREAM CHILD METHOD to Stop Whining, Tantrums and More

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Communicating In Marriage - Conflict Between Husband and Wife

2009-09-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

Are you and your spouse great communicators? If not, don't worry. Many couples are not, but communication skills are easily learned. You can start making changes today that will have a positive affect on your marriage.

Here are some things to thing about from Dr. Greg Smalley:
Good communication begins with good listening.

He outlines the four foundations of good communication:
1. Listening - By listening to your spouse, you communicate that they are a person of worth and what they say is important.

2. Understanding - You may have to paraphrase back to your spouse what you hear them saying so that you clearly understand what has been said: "What I just heard you say was%u2026"

3. Validating - Then your spouse can verify or correct until he is saying and you are hearing exactly what he means. You can affirm your spouse by understanding what is communicated and validating the communication.

4. Responding - At this point, you can decide how to respond to what your spouse has said.

This is just a brief sample of what you will learn in the Unlocking The Secrets of Marriage course, but a very effective way to make positive changes in your communication style.

Marriage - Commitment IS the Key You are Searching For

2009-07-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

Does the title of this post sound too simple? Too hard? Not the answer you are looking for? If so, I understand where you are coming from. But...I feel very strongly that it is true. Commitment to the vows you made on your wedding day is the key to making your marriage last! Why? Because if you honor that commitment, you have no choice but to work out whatever the problems are. Read on, I hope to convince you of this.

What is the foundation of your marriage? What is the one thing that you center everything else on? Is it happiness? Compatibility? Good Times? All of those things are important in a marriage, but I can guarantee you that none of them will keep your marriage together.

Happy times come and go. This is a guarantee. Feelings come and go and often times we don’t have control over them. Same with compatibility. Conflicts are going to happen, even in the best of relationships. It’s how you handle the incompatibility that is going to make the difference. The one thing that you can control in all of this is you. You made a promise when you got married, and you can keep that promise. Commitment is the foundation you need to build everything else from.

Think about your wedding vows. When you said them, you most likely promised to stay together in sickness and health, in good times and bad, in prosperity etc…you made a commitment that covered pretty much all the ups and downs that life would throw your way. So what happened to that promise? If you are even considering a divorce, I want you to take a minute to just be still, and remember those vows. Remember them. They meant something to you then, and they should still mean something now.

Those wedding promises were your commitment to your marriage for life. Commitment is what will hold your marriage together. It is the key to making your relationship last, and avoid divorce. Commitment means you aren’t going to run when the troubles get too hard. Quite the contrary. Instead, it means you are dedicated to doing whatever it takes to work through them. It means you are willing to make changes in yourself, your attitude, your perspective and your actions, to save your marriage. It means you are devoted to your promises. You can do this.

Once you and your spouse can lay this foundation, so many more things will fall into place. A committed couple doesn’t thing about divorce, talk about divorce or even threaten it. Why? Because it simply isn’t an option. Hence, once you know that it isn’t a possibility, a whole new range of options will open up before the two of you….options to find a way to make things work; to get the help you need. Where there is a will, and a commitment, there is a way. You CAN save your marriage.

Is Your Marriage on the Rocks? It’s Time To Make a Change To Thankfulness

2009-06-30T16:24:00.000-07:00

If your marriage is in a state of turmoil, and unhappiness seems to be the overriding feeling, then you need to do something today. Chances are you spend a lot of time thinking about the things that aren’t working in your marriage, or perhaps all the things your spouse has or has not done that have hurt you or the marriage. The folly in that type of thinking is that it’s not going to help your marriage in anyway. Its actually counterproductive to what you really need to see happen.

You need a positive change to occur to bring back those feelings of love and happiness that seem to have left your marriage. My suggestion would be to begin with what you can change: your attitude. You can control your perspective, your point of view, and your thoughts. You are responsible for the way you choose to view your spouse, their actions, and your marriage. Therefore, I urge you to do something different today with your thoughts: be grateful. Take the day and spend it thinking back and being thankful of what we have in our spouse and our marriage.

When things are bad, all we can see are the problems in our marriage and our spouse. Our view becomes narrowly focused and begins to further deteriorate our marriage. How could it not? With only negative things filling our mind, things surely will only get worse. You need to move from anger and criticism to thankfulness. It’s difficult, yes, but it is a choice. Are you willing to make that choice to help save your marriage?

Two Emotions that Erode the Intimacy in Your Marriage

2009-06-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

Today I want to briefly share my thoughts on two emotions that erode your relationship with your spouse. They are Anger and Resentment. The reason for this is simple: everyone get's angry, but when they don't resolve it, let it go and move on, resentment develops. At this point, the beginnings of a serious problem are starting to develop....like a weed, resentment can take over your relationship. So what is the answer here? Learning to deal with your anger quickly, and in a positive way to keep resentment from taking root.

A great place to start is to recognize that most anger in relationships is really just a by-product of the other person feeling hurt. We often use anger to mask that emotion. The tough thing about this is that if we really just expressed our true emotion of hurt, our spouse would probably be able to respond to it much better than they respond to anger.

So what can you do?
1. The next time you are angry, seek to understand the primary emotion behind the anger, and instead, express that.

2. The next time your spouse is angry try and figure out what it it that they may be hurt about and try to soothe those feelings.

3. Learn more about how you can work on your marriage with the Save My Marriage Today program. You will learn even more valuable insights than this, which will make significant changes in your marriage. It's a great program.

A Great Resource To Help Your Struggling Marriage

2009-05-31T17:11:00.000-07:00

I was emailing Amy Waterman the other day talking about marriage. She was saying that the single biggest reason couples break up is due to poor communication. This poor communication then lead to a whole bunch of other problems like loss of closeness, conflict and the feeling of not being in love anymore. For those of you who don't know Amy Waterman, she is the author of Save My Marriage Today. This is an EXCELLENT course!

She showed me the course she has put together on marriage counseling and marriage saving strategies and I was very impressed! I had a good look over Save My Marriage Today and I was very glad that someone has finally come up with a guide that covers all the fundamental issues of that arise during married life.

So many couples break up over issues that could have been resolved if they had only opened the lines of communication and worked towards a solution. Some couples couldn’t work towards a solution, and some wanted to, but didn’t know how.

Amy's style helps couples, both young and old, repair their relationship problems and re ignite the spark that once existed before it is too late. Its quite normal for a marriage to go through cycles, and arguments will happen from time to time. Its how you deal with those arguments and disagreements that dictates the health of your relationship. Amy shows you the appropriate way to raise issues and deal with them in a way that takes into account the feelings of both parties and delivers an outcome that avoids the stress, pain and emotional trauma of marital failure.

She deals with topics such as:

Tips on how to rescue your marriage
How to reintroduce passion
How to repair your marriage after an affair
Self assessment
Gestures that are more important than words
And much more...........

Many people split from their husbands and wives and go through enormous trauma all because they are unable to deal with a problem that ultimately could have saved them a lot of heartache, as well as money. Its just crazy!

Amy makes it easy for you by identifying things that could jeopardize your marriage and showing you how to avoid them. If you are serious about saving your marriage and making your love endure, you should learn all you can about communication, commitment, patience, and beliefs that will make your relationship stronger.

In addition to this she has included a free email consultation so that customers can discuss their specific problems with her. WOW! That is huge because you can literally talk with a trained expert, about YOUR specific problems, right from home. I was really surprised she was willing to do this.

I really do believe Amy is onto a good thing here, and she really wants to help. The techniques she reveals are thought provoking and have been proven over and over to help save marriages. I found there was something for everyone in this course, no matter how long you have been married or how strong your union is.

I was very impressed when I finished checking out Save My Marriage Today and have recommended it to everyone who wants more happiness and fulfillment out of their life and marriage. I would encourage you to look for yourself and do something today to Save Your Marriage before it is too late!

You can take control of your happiness. For better or for worse, Amy and Save My Marriage Today can help your marriage.

With a smile~ Tina

5 Things to Start Doing Today to Improve Your Marriage

2009-05-27T13:43:00.000-07:00

Divorce is not mandatory, it is optional! This means the choices YOU make TODAY can have an impact on your marriage. There are real solutions to your marriage problems and all you need to do is get started today. I would like to briefly share 5 steps to help your marriage right now. They are not complicated, but they can be very hard to do.

Before we get started, it is important that you have accepted that there is a problem in your relationship. If the talk of divorce has come up, do not turn your back on it and hope it goes away. It most likely will not. Instead, accept this threat, and resolve to fight against it, to save your marriage. Make the commitment to do the hard work necessary to restore your relationship.

Another important part of helping your marriage is assessing its health. If you can sit down and determine what the signs are that are pointing towards divorce, you can identify exactly where you need to start working. Some of those signs could be a total lack of communication, constant conflict that never seems resolved, isolation from your partner as well as a lack of physical or emotional intimacy. Once you have defined the signs, you can begin to work on repairing the damage. This is the hardest part.

Here is a brief list of things you can get started on right away to help strengthen the weakened bonds of your marriage:
1. Open the doors for communication and take time to listen to your spouse.
2. Stop complaining and start complimenting
3. Look for all things positive and focus on those. This is about a new perspective.
4. Create opportunities for fun together. Laughing together is so good.
5. Seek help from a trained relationship expert.

Although this list is short, and rather basic, I will be expanding upon it further in my next article. For now, take time to really ponder those five things. Come up with a plan of how you can implement those suggestions in your marriage today.

Commitment Keeps A Marriage Together - Not Happiness

2009-05-16T15:44:00.000-07:00

Many studies have been done on love, happiness, divorce and commitment in marriage and the findings may surprise you. Michael P. Johnson, a professor of sociology at Penn State, found that there are three things that keep a person in a marriage. It is a combination of personal, moral and structural commitments:
· people want to stay
· they feel they ought to stay
· they have to stay
If you look at those three things, they are all based on commitment, rather than happiness. Commitment is a choice. Happiness is a feeling, and we all know that feelings come and go. It is commitment to things that helps us ride out storms, to keep going even when it is hard, not feelings. Feelings can throw our thoughts all over the place, and make us behave irrationally. Truly, a happy marriage needs to be based on commitment.
Other studies have proven that unhappy periods in a marriage are not indicative of future unhappiness. In fact, one study showed that 86% of unhappily married couples who stayed with their marriage, rather than choosing divorce, were happier five years later. Most of them reported being "quite" or "very happy." Now that has to inspire you to stick with things through the hard times.
If you and your spouse are not happy, and are thinking about divorce, perhaps spending some time talking about commitment versus feelings will help. Remember, you may fight, disagree and argue, but know that those things do not have to determine your satisfaction or happiness with your life. Rather, your willingness to stay committed to each other, to do what you said you would do in your wedding vows, will determine your true happiness. Fight for your marriage; it is worth saving.

Conversations with Your Spouse- Emotional Connection

2009-04-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you had a good conversation with your spouse that was about more than just your "To-Do" list or to inform them of various obligations? Conversations are important. They are a form of emotional intimacy that all marriages need to keep the foundation of the relationship strong. If you are at a loss as to where to start, let me share some ideas:

1. Begin some investigative conversations. Ask your spouse questions to get them sharing again. These can be about their current day, or their family history, or things they are looking forward to....the sky is the limit. The point is to begin asking questions.

2. Share back with your spouse, once they have begun answering questions. By asking and sharing, you are opening the door to emotional intimacy that will naturally lead to more conversations, just as it did when you were dating.

Make talking with your spouse a priority today and watch the positive affect it will have on your marriage.

Marriage Check- How much time do you spend in front of the TV?

2009-04-08T10:16:00.000-07:00

Marriage Check-Up:
How much time do you spend in front of the TV every day. Studies have shown that couples who feel that they are happily married spend very little time in front of the TV compared to the amount of time they spend interacting with one another.

Watching TV tends to be an isolating activity, so for a healthier marriage, try and limit your TV time to an hour a day or so. Take the free time you now have and spend it with your spouse and children. Not only will it improve your relationship with your significant other, but strengthen the family unit on a whole.

Compatibility...is it the answer to happiness in marriage?

2009-03-30T22:14:00.000-07:00

Thought for the day:
Your happiness in marriage is not based on weather or not you are compatible with your spouse. It should not be a deciding factor as to weather your marriage will last or not. Instead, you should understand that happiness in your relationship comes from how you deal with incompatibility. This one skill is missing in so many marriages today. To read more about it, visit Marriage Help Today.

The inner jerk- Has it been seen lately?

2009-03-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

Marriage Check: How is the inner jerk doing? Is he/she staying down, keeping away from your marriage? If not, get a perspective check and find ways to keep your "inner jerk" down. Your marriage has enough difficulties without this guy rearing his ugly head. Today think of times when the inner jerk has appeared. Make note of what triggered that and come up with 1 thing you can do differently to keep him down. Remember, perspective rules your emotions, which in turn affects the rising of the "inner jerk". Ciao for now~ tina

3 Basic Necessities of Marriage

2009-03-22T22:13:00.000-07:00

Relationships are hard. Friendships, family bonds, and marital relationships all require work. Heck, even the interactions we have with perfect strangers can be trying at times. If we can incorporate into our attitudes, the three basic actions listed below, our relationships would improve dramatically.

A friend once said that he believes there is an “inner jerk” living in all of us that tries to come out every day. It is our job to keep the inner jerk down! Otherwise, we may find ourselves facing the consequences of the actions that came from our “inner jerk”. If you find yourself in this situation right now, I would like to challenge you to adopt these actions as part of your daily attitude in your marriage. I think these three basic actions are necessary for all relationships, but especially marriage.

Necessity #1- Humility
A good description of humility is “an unassuming nature.” Wow, that says it all! Do not make assumptions about your spouse’s behavior. Give them the benefit of the doubt and find out what they really meant. This means you must be willing to let go of your pride. When you feel hurt, pride rears its ugly head, and in a big way. Pride promotes disunity. It causes a divide. Choose humility first. I know, easier said than done, but ponder it.

Necessity #2- Gentleness
I think the description of this says it all: mildness, calmness, tenderness or kindness. The opposite of this is roughness, or forcefulness. Not a good way to interact with your spouse, and sure to cause problems. Instead, be gentle, and meek, not self assertive, rude or harsh. Show restraint. Keep your emotions under control. Again, I understand this is much easier said than done, but ponder it.

Necessity #3- Patience
When I talk about patience, I am really talking about endurance, staying power, lack of complaint, fortitude. When you perceive that your spouse has harmed or wronged you, don’t just strike back. If you do this, it is as if you are hitting, smacking, thumping or walloping them. I know that if someone did that to me, anger would be the inevitable result. Therefore, if you strike back, you simply escalate the situation to a level that is much harder to come back from. Instead, try bearing with your spouse, in love.

In conclusion, implementing these actions into your attitude will be a great start towards healing a hurting relationship. For more insight into helping your marriage, visit this site.

With a smile, Tina

Marriage Check- Controlling Your Thoughts

2009-03-20T10:01:00.000-07:00

In yesterday's marriage check we talked about Perspective- and that you probably need to change yours to the positive. Today I want to share with you one way I do that. It may seem silly, and trite, but hey, it works for me.

The first thing you want to do is make a list of at least 3 things that bring up happy, positive feelings. If you have a favorite picture of your spouse, this is a great tool to keep handy. Next, as you find your mind moving in the direction of negativity, tell your mind NO and stop the thought. Either turn your attention to the happy memory, or grab that picture and look at it. Whichever you choose, it will take effort. You have to retrain yourself and that takes time.
Ciao for now!

Marriage Check- What are You Focusing On

2009-03-19T15:30:00.000-07:00

Today's "MARRIAGE CHECK" is on Perspective.

What is yours? Is it all "negative and gloomy" or do you see the good things first. In today's world we tend to focus on everything we do not like around us, and pretty soon, that is all we see. We've become very adept at complaining and lack the skills of praising. I relate it to parenting....my goal is to catch my children being good, and commenting on those times rather than only when I catch them doing something I don't like. It's about positive reinforcement.

My "prescription" for your marriage today is to focus on finding 1 thing good about your spouse each day. It can be so tiny, and insignificant, but it's a start. Then when your mind wanders to something that causes you to complain, STOP THAT THOUGHT and instead think on that one positive thing. If you allow your mind to do whatever it wants to, it will take you down a road that isn't very safe. We'll talk more about your mind tomorrow. Until then, be positive!

Welcome to my blog

2009-03-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my blog!
Let me introduce myself. My name is Tina and I am a happily married WAHM of 4 boys and a loving husband. I beleive that lasting marriages today are in jeopardy...like an animal on the verge of extinction and it doesn't have to be that way. Societal trends lean heavily towards divorce, and the results are not good. All parties involved end up in pain. My passion is to offer encouragement for anyone who see's their marriage in trouble and wants to get help. My motto is that Divorce is Not Mandatory!