Many studies have been done on love, happiness, divorce and commitment in marriage and the findings may surprise you. Michael P. Johnson, a professor of sociology at Penn State, found that there are three things that keep a person in a marriage. It is a combination of personal, moral and structural commitments:
· people want to stay
· they feel they ought to stay
· they have to stay
If you look at those three things, they are all based on commitment, rather than happiness. Commitment is a choice. Happiness is a feeling, and we all know that feelings come and go. It is commitment to things that helps us ride out storms, to keep going even when it is hard, not feelings. Feelings can throw our thoughts all over the place, and make us behave irrationally. Truly, a happy marriage needs to be based on commitment.
Other studies have proven that unhappy periods in a marriage are not indicative of future unhappiness. In fact, one study showed that 86% of unhappily married couples who stayed with their marriage, rather than choosing divorce, were happier five years later. Most of them reported being "quite" or "very happy." Now that has to inspire you to stick with things through the hard times.
If you and your spouse are not happy, and are thinking about divorce, perhaps spending some time talking about commitment versus feelings will help. Remember, you may fight, disagree and argue, but know that those things do not have to determine your satisfaction or happiness with your life. Rather, your willingness to stay committed to each other, to do what you said you would do in your wedding vows, will determine your true happiness. Fight for your marriage; it is worth saving.
· people want to stay
· they feel they ought to stay
· they have to stay
If you look at those three things, they are all based on commitment, rather than happiness. Commitment is a choice. Happiness is a feeling, and we all know that feelings come and go. It is commitment to things that helps us ride out storms, to keep going even when it is hard, not feelings. Feelings can throw our thoughts all over the place, and make us behave irrationally. Truly, a happy marriage needs to be based on commitment.
Other studies have proven that unhappy periods in a marriage are not indicative of future unhappiness. In fact, one study showed that 86% of unhappily married couples who stayed with their marriage, rather than choosing divorce, were happier five years later. Most of them reported being "quite" or "very happy." Now that has to inspire you to stick with things through the hard times.
If you and your spouse are not happy, and are thinking about divorce, perhaps spending some time talking about commitment versus feelings will help. Remember, you may fight, disagree and argue, but know that those things do not have to determine your satisfaction or happiness with your life. Rather, your willingness to stay committed to each other, to do what you said you would do in your wedding vows, will determine your true happiness. Fight for your marriage; it is worth saving.
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