Compatibility...is it the answer to happiness in marriage?

Thought for the day:
Your happiness in marriage is not based on weather or not you are compatible with your spouse. It should not be a deciding factor as to weather your marriage will last or not. Instead, you should understand that happiness in your relationship comes from how you deal with incompatibility. This one skill is missing in so many marriages today. To read more about it, visit Marriage Help Today.

The inner jerk- Has it been seen lately?

Marriage Check: How is the inner jerk doing? Is he/she staying down, keeping away from your marriage? If not, get a perspective check and find ways to keep your "inner jerk" down. Your marriage has enough difficulties without this guy rearing his ugly head. Today think of times when the inner jerk has appeared. Make note of what triggered that and come up with 1 thing you can do differently to keep him down. Remember, perspective rules your emotions, which in turn affects the rising of the "inner jerk". Ciao for now~ tina

3 Basic Necessities of Marriage

Relationships are hard. Friendships, family bonds, and marital relationships all require work. Heck, even the interactions we have with perfect strangers can be trying at times. If we can incorporate into our attitudes, the three basic actions listed below, our relationships would improve dramatically.

A friend once said that he believes there is an “inner jerk” living in all of us that tries to come out every day. It is our job to keep the inner jerk down! Otherwise, we may find ourselves facing the consequences of the actions that came from our “inner jerk”. If you find yourself in this situation right now, I would like to challenge you to adopt these actions as part of your daily attitude in your marriage. I think these three basic actions are necessary for all relationships, but especially marriage.

Necessity #1- Humility
A good description of humility is “an unassuming nature.” Wow, that says it all! Do not make assumptions about your spouse’s behavior. Give them the benefit of the doubt and find out what they really meant. This means you must be willing to let go of your pride. When you feel hurt, pride rears its ugly head, and in a big way. Pride promotes disunity. It causes a divide. Choose humility first. I know, easier said than done, but ponder it.

Necessity #2- Gentleness
I think the description of this says it all: mildness, calmness, tenderness or kindness. The opposite of this is roughness, or forcefulness. Not a good way to interact with your spouse, and sure to cause problems. Instead, be gentle, and meek, not self assertive, rude or harsh. Show restraint. Keep your emotions under control. Again, I understand this is much easier said than done, but ponder it.

Necessity #3- Patience
When I talk about patience, I am really talking about endurance, staying power, lack of complaint, fortitude. When you perceive that your spouse has harmed or wronged you, don’t just strike back. If you do this, it is as if you are hitting, smacking, thumping or walloping them. I know that if someone did that to me, anger would be the inevitable result. Therefore, if you strike back, you simply escalate the situation to a level that is much harder to come back from. Instead, try bearing with your spouse, in love.

In conclusion, implementing these actions into your attitude will be a great start towards healing a hurting relationship. For more insight into helping your marriage, visit this site.

With a smile, Tina

Marriage Check- Controlling Your Thoughts

In yesterday's marriage check we talked about Perspective- and that you probably need to change yours to the positive. Today I want to share with you one way I do that. It may seem silly, and trite, but hey, it works for me.

The first thing you want to do is make a list of at least 3 things that bring up happy, positive feelings. If you have a favorite picture of your spouse, this is a great tool to keep handy. Next, as you find your mind moving in the direction of negativity, tell your mind NO and stop the thought. Either turn your attention to the happy memory, or grab that picture and look at it. Whichever you choose, it will take effort. You have to retrain yourself and that takes time.
Ciao for now!

Marriage Check- What are You Focusing On

Today's "MARRIAGE CHECK" is on Perspective.

What is yours? Is it all "negative and gloomy" or do you see the good things first. In today's world we tend to focus on everything we do not like around us, and pretty soon, that is all we see. We've become very adept at complaining and lack the skills of praising. I relate it to parenting....my goal is to catch my children being good, and commenting on those times rather than only when I catch them doing something I don't like. It's about positive reinforcement.

My "prescription" for your marriage today is to focus on finding 1 thing good about your spouse each day. It can be so tiny, and insignificant, but it's a start. Then when your mind wanders to something that causes you to complain, STOP THAT THOUGHT and instead think on that one positive thing. If you allow your mind to do whatever it wants to, it will take you down a road that isn't very safe. We'll talk more about your mind tomorrow. Until then, be positive!

Welcome to my blog

Welcome to my blog!
Let me introduce myself. My name is Tina and I am a happily married WAHM of 4 boys and a loving husband. I beleive that lasting marriages today are in jeopardy...like an animal on the verge of extinction and it doesn't have to be that way. Societal trends lean heavily towards divorce, and the results are not good. All parties involved end up in pain. My passion is to offer encouragement for anyone who see's their marriage in trouble and wants to get help. My motto is that Divorce is Not Mandatory!